Why The Elf on the Shelf Spent Only One Night with Us

I was at a store the other day buying a baby gift when I saw a big display of The Elf on the Shelf.  I love Christmas, especially now that I have children, so I impulsively bought one.  I know, I know.  All I can say is: I'm human and it's a very cute concept.  So, I took it home and read the story to my boys, then hid the Elf high on a shelf for them to find the next day.

My three-year-old, J, immediately deduced that the Elf came out of the book.  He looked dejectedly at it while I reminded him of his master-class meltdown at Old Navy earlier in the day - when he cried and rolled around on the floor because I didn't buy him two soccer balls from a display there, then yelled that he was going to "kick my butt" as I carried him out of the store.  Not his best day.

My six-year-old, B, gazed with saucer-eyes at the Elf.  "I've never seen a real elf before! This is my first Elf!"  He then proceeded to rattle off six wishes for toys he'd seen advertised on TV. 

This all had me thinking about the kind of message my kids were getting from this and, frankly, from the whole modern concept of Santa.  While I'd been focused on the "fun of Christmas," the mystery, the excitement, my kids were getting a very clear - and very commercial - message.

I don't know why it took me so long to realize this, but telling kids they'll get presents if they're good is like rewarding exercise with a cupcake.  There's no lesson of self-motivation. The real reason they should want to be good is that the world will be a better place for them and for everyone else.   What I really need to do is find a way to send them THAT message.

So tonight, as they slept, the cute little Elf went back in the box with the book.  No offense intended to the Elf or the brilliant people who created this concept.  But we don't need more stuff.  We need a happier world.

I tossed and turned last night, thinking of what I would tell the kids in the morning when they start asking questions.  Where is the elf?  Is he coming back?  What does it mean??  Then I thought: I don't need to tell them anything.  Santa does.  So this is what I came up with:

Dear B and J,

My elf tells me he visited you yesterday.  He can see you have very good hearts and that you love each other and your parents very much.  While you both have some things to work on, I'm satisfied that you will have a very good Christmas.  Therefore, my elf will move on to another house now.

B, my elf tells me that you often ask your Mom and Dad to buy you things when they take you to stores.  Try to remember that Christmas and birthdays are the times when we get presents, not in between.  You will make your parents very happy by not asking for things during other times.

J, my elf tells me that you sometimes use bad words and hit people.  I know it's hard when you can't get what you want, but you must listen to your Mom and Dad when they ask you to behave better.  They love you and take good care of you.

Boys, this Christmas I want you to think about the true meaning of Christmas.  It's about the birth of Christ.  Christians celebrate Christ's birth on December 25th, also called Christmas Day.  So Christmas is really a birthday party.  We give each other gifts as part of the celebration, but Christmas is really not about presents.  It's about remembering Christ and the lessons he taught us.

The most important lesson that Christ taught us (a lesson that's shared by so many faiths) is this: treat other people the way you want to be treated.  This is the lesson I want you to focus on this year and every year.

It's really simple.  Do you want your brother to share his toys with you?  Then share your toys with him.  Do you want your brother to treat you gently?  Then don't hit him.

If you always treat other people the way you want to be treated, you will set a good example for them.  You will be a leader.  Before you know it, the world will be a better place for you and for everyone else.  THIS is why we should behave well, not because we're expecting presents.

Merry Christmas, boys! Now give your Mommy a hug.

Santa